The Totally Biased Uniform Power Rankings

The Totally Biased Uniform Power Rankings

by Edwin Garcia


If you’re a fan of the show or know me personally, then you know how much I love the study of athletic aesthetics. So, this Major League Baseball year has been underway for a while now and I’ve been able to process/digest all the uniform changes and updates for this season. Got to give props to some teams for trying, taking risks and making progress (Padres); others just struck out swinging on a curve ball in the dirt (D-Backs). After all this, I decided to give you, the reader, my thoughts and hot take on who I think wins the pageant for best dressed. First, though, let’s lay the ground rules. To start, I am omitting any classic team that has not had a redesign in a long time (Yanks, Dodgers, Cubs, Giants, Sox and Cards). Second, it has to be a uniform that they have worn or will wear more than once during the season, so no one-time-use-throwbacks. Lastly, it has to be a full uniform. For instance, the Rays and Royals rock the sweet powder blue tops but they feel like half a jersey. Always remember that if you look good, you play good.

All Right. Here are my top ten.

10. Orioles home jersey – Now, the O’s went to these beauties a few years ago and easily hit a homerun with it. Three things make this stand out. 1) Return of the white panel caps… YES! 2) Return of the animated Oriole bird as the primary logo… double YES! 3) I love the classic old-school team script across the chest. An updated version with an awesome classic vintage feel.

9. This is a tie with two San Diego Padres entries. First, I give them credit for finally listening to the fans and bringing back the brown from the glory days. Now, it’s not a true throwback, more like a faux-back, but I give them points for attempting and coming close; still needs work, but it’s a huge step forward from those generic blue shits they’ve been wearing since Tony Gwynn left. The Padres did do it right with their Wednesday night home game 90’s throwbacks. These are super clean and we can all picture Tony’s belly in these.

8. White Sox Sunday home 80’s throwbacks – Just look at these classic bad boys right here. Pretty much identical to when they wore them in the 80’s. Pullover jerseys and pant numbers included.

7. D-Backs Thursday home purple throwbacks – Hard to rock purple and teal properly and be taken seriously. Winning helps that. So when you see these sleeveless wonders, you can’t help but think of the Big Unit dominating the mound or Luis Gonzalez singling off the un-hittable Mariano Rivera in game seven. – #NoSpoon

6. Cleveland Indians home red alternates – Love the simplicity and old school feel that these give off. The chest script is super retro and the plain block C on the cap tops off a really nice look for the Indians. Bonus points when they wear the high socks.

5. Blue Jays home – Now, the Jays were a great looking team when they won back to back titles in 92-93. After that, they decided to fuck shit up and destroy a winning formula on and off the field. For the last 20 years, the Jays tried all sorts of god awful hot garbage colors and styles (even black… WTF!). Now, like the Orioles, they decided enough is enough and went back to what works. Brought back the classic logo with a slight upgrade and pretty much brought back the exact winning uniform from the glory days. They quickly moved up to five with the introduction of the white panel caps this season to make these babies so fucking clean.

4. Rockies home whites – This one might surprise people but give me a second and I’ll tell you why they work so well. First, give props to 23 seasons of untouched design. That’s right, no change on these since the inception in 1993. They got it right the first time. And, like I said earlier, it’s hard to rock purple properly and they have been doing it right for 23 seasons. Those pin stripes with the silver trim on the chest script just iced it for me. Mile high winners.

3. New York Mets home – Very simple formula here. Addition by subtraction. They finally got rid of all that overused black trim and color scheme and just let that pretty blue and orange with pinstripes thrive. Timeless and classic. This is one of the reasons we enjoy watching our boy Bartolo sling it.

2. Seattle Mariners faux-back Sunday – Mariners did real good here. They created a perfect blend of “old meets new”. You get all the feels here. The colors take you back to the early days of Griffey when he was still just “The Kid.” The updated team name font works perfectly with the colors. The cream color instead of white gives it that vintage feel of yesteryear. No names on the back is a nice tribute to the golden era of baseball and, once again, the socks finish up this winner. Best use of “old meets new”. Well done, guys.

1. Pirates Sunday We Are Family 70’s throwback – Damn, I love these. They went full retro and brought back all the important elements. Pullover jersey with the V-neck collar. Black pants with the yellow trim. Pill box black cap with the yellow stripes – OMG! Drooling -. I love everything about this set up. Everything looks clean and sick on these, even the black, matte batting helmets. What puts this uniform in perfect game territory is the socks. Got to love the guys when they rock the high socks with these gorgeous unis. Thank you, Cutch!

Ok, so there you have it. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Am I too off or did I do alright? Stay tuned for a bottom 10 power rankings in the near future. D-Backs, be warned.

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