The Minimum Wage GM

Cue the gameshow music. Ladies and gentlemen, straight from the deep deep south in the 305, I give you the next GM of the Miami Dolphins. Myself! With plenty of resources at my fingertips and a wonderful 6-figure salary, I will help guide the Dolphins to the 2018 Super Bowl and become the next World Champions. Actually, not really. I’m not even getting paid the rookie salary here! So, from now on, I will be known as the Minimum Wage GM. As with the Cheap Seats, which some of you may be familiar with, I will be following the Dolphins’ journey through the 2017 season, be it riding high or tunneling through the depths of hell in mediocrity, or worse. In each segment I will go over one aspect of the team, be it a specific player, position, or in more general terms, the offense, defense, or special teams week in and week out, giving suggestions on what can (if anything) be done. We shall begin with our victory against the New York Je—

And so the music skips and comes to an abrupt end.

We lost? WE LOST?! You mean to tell me we lost to the supposedly “worst team in the NFL”? Same ‘ol Dolphins. Man, we have a lot of work to do in preparation for the Saints.

We were absolutely dominated in every aspect of the game. Every aspect. We faced a team built to lose, to tank, so they get a nice draft pick next year. While it’s usually true that no professional team loses on purpose, they are paid to win after all, the Jets really aren’t the better squad. In the words of one very irate coach: “They are who we thought they were, and we let them off the hook!” In the team’s first game of the season in week 2, the offense was conservative. Given the circumstances of Hurricane Irma and the team working out the kinks to create rhythm and flow, it was overlooked because of the W. Now? It’s as if the offense regressed three steps.


Late in the game Jay Cutler took the snap, and despite having an open field ahead of him he threw an interception. He only needed 2-3 yards for the first down, with no opposing player to stop him, and he throws a pick. That play summed up the offense for the game. The missed field goal from our lone touchdown summed up the Dolphins period. Embarassing.

What needs Fixin’

For this first edition I’m going with the offense. You expect more than a touchdown from a unit fielding the likes of Jay Ajayi, DeVante Parker, Kenny Stills and Jarvis Landry. Instead we only got 30 yards rushing, with Cutler struggling all game, especially under pressure, completing 26 of 44 passes for 220 yards. Enough for a 70.3 passer rating. And this is with the numbers inflated due to the TD in garbage time. They were 1 for 12 on third downs. The sole conversion coming in the fourth quarter. They punted 7 times and went 3-and-out on 4 possessions.

There’s no way to spin this, it wasn’t ugly it was outright fugly.

How do we solve this in time for the London game against the Saints? We need to put away any and all distractions, be it political, or the Lawrence Timmons mystery. From there, adjustments have to be done on the O-line to better prepare our scoring. Whether or not the offense goes anywhere will depend on winning the battle in the trenches. No blocking and Ajayi won’t have any open lanes to run wild and Cutler will certainly find himself on his back just like Tannehill. From there, I believe the team needs to go out there and play very aggressive, airing it out. New Orleans is almost last against the pass, and against the rush they aren’t that much better. Using Ajayi to pound it out and wear down the defense will also be key. Considering we’re facing Drew Brees, the offense will need to come out firing on all cylinders, and if the defense crumbles, you can expect the run game to be ditched. We’ve got a potent WR corps with Parker and Landry, not to mention a deep threat (And former Saint) in Stills. It remains to be seen which Dolphins team shows up this upcoming Sunday. Let’s hope it isn’t the same sorry excuse for a team that embarrassed itself badly against the Jets. If not, it’s going to be a long season. Until then, keep the faith and stay frosty.

Minimum Wage GM is a weekly column expressing one fan’s hope and despair as he embarks on a journey with the Miami Dolphins. Be bold, be good, be you. Don’t forget to follow us on TwitterFacebook, and Instagram.

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